Writing things and eating pizza since the 80s

The Story Of Cat

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Cat wasn’t the biggest, fastest, or strongest animal. But he was clever, quick, and graceful, and in the forest, to catch what Cat needed to get by, clever and quick was more than enough. Graceful was just nice to have.

Cat had only one problem: he was lonely. Maybe lonely wasn’t quite the right word. He was underappreciated for sure. Most of the animals were pretty ok to be around, except for the little ones that scurried, but they were food anyway. But none of the other animals listened. Like, at all.

Cat would say “Go get me something to drink!”

And Badger would say “The river’s right there. You can drink from just like the rest of us.”

Or Cat would say, “Clean this mess up!”

And Squirrel would say, “Clean? Outside? How would that work?”

The animals of the forest needed a leader, and that leader should be Cat. He just hadn’t had any luck at all convincing them.

But one day, a new animal appeared. It almost looked like Wolf, which Cat could recognize because he knew about how dangerous Wolf was, and stayed well away from his eyes and nose and teeth. But this Almost Wolf was floppier and dopier. It scampered into Cat’s part of the forest and sniffed about the bottom of the tree Cat was in.

This Almost Wolf then did something Cat had never seen Wolf do before. It sat down rolled on its back and looked up right in the tree. Right at Cat.

The Almost Wolf had spotted Cat.

Cat should have felt terror. No one wanted to be found by Wolf. But this Almost Wolf? Something was very different. Cat crawled down to get a better look at the animal. Much bigger than Cat. Fuzzy. Lots of slobber. But he wasn’t scary. Not even the slightest bit

“You look silly like that,” said Cat.

“So?” said the Almost Wolf.

“Aren’t you worried about what other animals think?”

“Should I be?”

Cat thought about this. Clearly, this new animal was in need of a leader. A king perhaps? No, that wasn’t right. Cat would think of his title later.

“Who are you?” said Cat.

“Oh, I’m Dog. Who are you? You smell very interesting.”

“It’s rude to tell someone about their smells.”

“Even good smells?”

“Yes.”

“Oh ok. My friend doesn’t seem to mind.”

This Dog had a friend. Are friends leaders? It was hard to say.

“Your friend must not be very smart,” said Cat.

“She seems pretty smart. You should meet her!” And Dog lunged forward grabbed Cat by the scruff of his neck and dragged him away from the tree.

Oh, the indignity. Cat squawked and pawed and yowled but it was no good. The big lug was too strong and too fast. Dog bounded them through brambles and mud and water and muck of all kinds. Eventually they came to this new part of the woods where there were tents and smoke and all these very tall animals that looked nothing like anything else in the forest. No fur. No claws. No hooves. No fangs.

It was a lot.

Dog stopped right in front of one of those furless, clawless animals and dropped Cat right there: mucky, muddy, and filthy.

The animal said a word.

“What did she say?” said Cat to Dog.

“I’m still learning but I’m pretty sure she said I was her best friend and she loved me and she was so happy to see me and thanked me for bringing you here. She wanted to give me hugs and cuddles and snuggles. Also, that I’m great. And she loves me.”

Cat wasn’t convinced of that. But he was also filthy and skepticism always takes a back seat to dirt.

“Can you clean me off please?” And Dog started to lick Cat. Cat considered this a good show of fealty, but it was still disgusting. The Human reached down and scooped Cat into her arms, walked into a tent, and began to clean him. She stroked Cat’s fur with a damp cloth, petting him, soothing him.

Cat felt a rumble escape his throat. He was purring! He hadn’t purred since he was a kitten!  Then the human got him a small bowl of water and some fish. The human let him curl up next to the warm fire. This was the best

These humans would make excellent subjects. And they did. Dog was there, too. Human would not get rid of him no matter how many times Cat ordered it, but that was a language barrier for you. And Dog was mostly fine, if dopey. He certainly tried hard. A fine, if imperfect subject.

And so, Cat took up his rightful place as ruler of these humans. As a show of benevolence, he would make sure the delicious scurriers stayed away from the humans’ food.

It was good to be leader. No…king! No…Emperor!! No. There was only one word regal enough.

It was good to be Cat..

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